Dress for Success…. with a thong.

Attention professional females, I have an insightful message to deliver. 

So for the new job, I had to watch a mandatory “Dress for Success” video.  In this video, a middle aged, dark haired woman with a tight bun, maroon lipstick, and black suit stood talking to the camera about how to dress professionally.  She covered “Formal Business Attire,” “Business Attire”, “Business Casual Attire,” “Resort Attire,” and one other category that I cannot remember at this time.  Basically what I learned from it is that all this time I have been dressing in what I THOUGHT was “Formal Business Attire” when really I was dressed only in “Business Attire.”  Yes, people, there is a difference, and according to Very Proper Lady, it is very important.

So WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?  A collar!  Yes, the collar of the shirt will upgrade you from Business Attire to Business Formal Attire.  Not sure about you ladies, but generally when I wear a suit, I wear a sleeveless top of some type underneath.  This is because (1) I’m in Texas, it’s hot….(2) I hate when my arms are all crowded by long sleeves and the suit jacket…  (3) shirts under suits come untucked because my torso is way longer than the average individual, meaning I’m standing in parking lots and waiting rooms trying to hurredly and discreetly tuck in my shirt, and (4) the buttons of shirts tend to come unbuttoned without my knowing and then I end up realizing at the end of my workday that I have been showing the middle of my bra to the world.  See photo below, which by the way is not of myself.

Simply unacceptable.  So, I have just stopped wearing button up shirts with collars and moved to fitted, modest tanks to avoid these hazards.  Below is a photo that demonstrates what I always thought was Formal Business Attire, when it is in fact Business Attire only.  Slacker.  And yes that is Bobbi Brown. 

Now, I find out that I must wear a collared shirt to be deemed professional.  Now I doubt that my professional peers will actually take any notice in what kind of shirt I have on under my suit, but if I happen to run into that tight-bun hairdo lady from the video I want to have my best foot forward.  She strikes me as someone who I want to get along with.  Okay, so, the goal is to now look like this chick, only with better makeup, clean hair, and not drinking sugary juice and carbohydrate filled toast.

So in order to attain my wardrobe upgrade I went to my old faithful websites, Banana Republic, J. Crew, Ann Taylor, etc.  You know, all the places that sell basic clothing for people with average lengthed torsos and average sized chests.  I found nothing.  They’d all come untucked, or pucker at my chest and expose undergarments to clients and colleagues, or they were just plain ugly.  So I realized I may have better luck at my old standby, Victoria Secret.  (Where all the classy girls shop.) I discovered the most amazing work shirt ever and ordered it right away.  Behold, the answer to my prayers.  The BodySuit.  Yes, a shirt that will not only cover the entire torso and stay conservatively buttoned, but it will not come untucked!  The 90s are back!

I ordered is ASAP.  I tried it on as soon as it arrived in the mail.  Only it was a size medium, and ended up being too big.  I exchanged for a small, and behold!  The answer to my prayers and the purchase that will allow me to finally check the box next to “Formal Business Attire.”  Yeah baby!

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