Adjusting to Life as a Stay at Home Wife

Happy almost Friday, everyone.  I have been thinking about my blog all day, but I just couldn’t seem to get a half hour to myself so that I could sit down and do something about it.

I did however start a Facebook page for my blog!  It is called…

Lola and Oatmeal.

So creative, I know.

It isn’t much now, but I was excited to see that earlier today it had 14 likes!  FOURTEEN WHOLE LIKES!  Woohoo!  Hey, that’s 12 more than I thought I’d have.  After I liked it and Oatmeal liked it, I got all nervous.  “What if no one else likes it?!” I wondered.  “I’ll feel like such a nobody!”

Whatever.  As if “somebodies” sit in their recliner in a giant bathrobe at night drinking wine and typing into a blog.

Internet User

Today I completed yet another day as a stay at home mom.  But all day I kept thinking more and more about how I was adjusting to my new role as a stay at home wife.

I’m going to be honest and tell you about some thoughts that I have had in the past.  I realize that some of you may want to throw a virtual frying pan at my head for this, and I just ask that you try and remember being inexperienced and naive!

Well here goes.  I remember growing up and thinking that I would definitely love to be a stay at home wife/mother.  I absolutely thought that I would get married in college or soon after graduation.  Well, college flew by and I began working after I graduated.  My other single female friends were all working as well.  Some were even going back to grad school.  As the years passed, I completely changed my views because, well, I couldn’t even begin to imagine not working!

Eventually I met Oatmeal, and we got pregnant soon after we were married.  Naturally I started to become a little bit wishy washy and uncertain of whether I should return to work or stay at home with Baby Poppyseed.  I pondered my options throughout my pregnancy, never knowing for certain what I was getting so hung up on.  Why couldn’t I make up my mind?

It wasn’t until I was pretty close to the end, I think maybe 8 months pregnant or more, that I put my finger on it.  It was a weeknight, and I drove into Houston to have dinner and drinks (mocktails in my case) with some of my girlfriends.  We all ordered our food and sat down to chat.  It seemed like everyone at the table had something new and exciting going on… some of us were prego, some were getting married soon, some were switching jobs or getting promotions.  The conversation turned to the pregnant chicks and what our plans were after the babies were born.

I think that we all responded that we planned to return to work.  I’m sure we cited various reasons for wanting to return to work, such as financial or career goals.  The other girls knodded in agreement, and then one of my (unmarried, not pregnant) friends spoke up and said something like this…

“I completely understand.  I know that I would choose to return to work after having a baby.  I didn’t go to college to get a job and then just quit working and waste all that money that I spent on my education.  Plus, I am afraid I would lose the quality of being an interesting, well-rounded woman if all I did was stay at home all day.  I don’t know what I’d even be able to talk about with my husband at night when he got home from work, other than just the kids.” 

Okay.

People, I know how that sounds.  I really do.

But in that moment, I was able to relate.

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I probably wouldn’t have said it out loud myself, but the thought had crossed my mind more than once.  Now before you throw that frying pan at me, you have to remember something.  I (and my friend who said that) had been working for years.  We had never had a child, and we had never been stay at home wives or mothers.  In fact, I had only been married for a year or so.

We also met our future husbands during a “professional stage” in our lives.  So you can imagine that a large percentage of conversations that we had with our future baby daddies involved, well, our jobs.  Oatmeal and I were always talking about work with one another when we were dating.  At one point we were both in positions where we managed other people, and we used to have really long conversations about different situations that came up in the workplace, how we handled them, and what we had in common.  I loved describing various situations to him and asking him what he would have done had he been in my position.  Having these conversations with him made it feel as if we were even more compatible.

And to be honest, well, I just couldn’t imagine what I would possibly talk about or think about all day if I didn’t have a job!  Almost all of my friends worked.  My fear was that if I stayed at home with a baby, I would lose that common ground with not only my girlfriends but Oatmeal, too.

All of these thoughts have been popping up in my mind ever since I got laid off two weeks ago.  In my heart of hearts, I really do feel like it happened for a reason.  I feel like my place at this time is at home with Baby Poppyseed.  I have Oatmeal’s full support.

But at the same time, well, I have to admit that I’m a little bit worried that I will run out of things to talk about with him!  I spent the day, well, hanging out with an 8 month old baby.  Now sure, it was our baby, and she is a really awesome kid.  And I didn’t sit at home and scrub the baseboards with a toothbrush all day.  I went and had coffee and a play date with a friend, and I ran several errands afterward.  But the day sure did pass by slowly after that.  I kept looking at the clock after 3pm, hoping it was 6:15pm so that I’d hear Oatmeal’s diesel engine pulling into the driveway.

When I was working, the days would FLY by.  I was up early and literally planned every single minute of it.  At the end of the day I had a number of things to discuss with Oatmeal… how our morning was while I got ready for work, how P did when I dropped her off at daycare, numerous client interactions that I had that day, whether or not I met with my partner or manager, how my sales figures were doing, the challenges I was facing with some of my customers, etc.  There was almost never any downtime, and therefore I felt like I had a ton to talk about with Oatmeal at night.

Well, tonight was really a gift.  I have to admit, I didn’t do all that much today.  I mean sure, I took care of our baby all day.  She never left my sight, and we did have a lot of fun together.

When Oatmeal got home, the house was (relatively) clean and dinner was (almost) on the table.  Poppyseed had pulled up on her new toy and was smiling from ear to ear.  I was relaxed (and NO I hadn’t already started boozing, thank you very much) and we did chat quite a bit.  We played with Poppyseed.  I updated him on some bills that came in the mail.  I told him all about my coffee date with my friend.  We talked about some projects that we want to begin, and then, well… we just made small talk.

It was easy.  I guess that with all of my worrying about being, um, an “interesting, well rounded woman” I had forgotten something.

He didn’t marry me because I had a career.  He married me because, well, I’m me.  And he digs me.  We just get one another.  We make each other laugh.

Tonight I fried some bacon so that I could pack a salad for him for lunch tomorrow.  Those of you who know us well know that he refers to me as the Chocolate Monster.  Well, he is definitely the Bacon Monster.  I jokingly hid it the entire slab of fried bacon from him (under the bed in our spare bedroom) while I bathed the baby so that he couldn’t eat it all before I could pack it away.

(Yes, bacon in the bedroom.  Can you imagine if I’d forgotten it was there?  What an odd thing for a guest to find during their visit at our house!)  But we just kept on giggling at each other, because, well, this is our weird married couple humor.   I also gave him a dirty cloth diaper and asked him to rinse it off for me, and when he did a half-assed job (no pun intended) I cornered him in the hallway and made him do it again.  He laughed at me for calling him out, but out he went with that nasty diaper.  We both just kept on laughing, in a weird and flirty way, and the night just went on like that.

We cleaned up the kitchen together after I put Poppyseed down for the night.  There was never a lull in our conversation.  And before he went to bed he rolled over and kissed me and said, “Honey, I love you.  You are such a good wife.  You’re such a good mommy to our baby. And you’re nice to me.”  He looked, well, genuinely happy.

I’m nice to him.  Ha.  I guess that’s all it takes sometimes.

I guess the point of this post is to just that I may not have a PhD, own a business, or wear black stilettos to work anymore… BUT… maybe that’s not why he fell for me in the first place.

🙂

 

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Comments

  1. Love it! Never underestimate you!

  2. Karington says:

    Granted, I have no idea what it means to be a “stay-at-home mom” as C and I are both working professionally sans baby but I have an idea for you. Several months ago, I started to feel like the only thing we EVER talked about was work. More like complained about, in most cases. In an effort to find new, positive topics for daily conversation, we started reading together. (No, we don’t read to each other, we both read separately.) But then we talk about it in depth. Sometimes the same books, sometimes different. But it keeps it interesting to discuss, or debate, different theories and topics. And it contributes to the “well roundedness” you may desire 🙂

  3. Bacon in the bedroom reminded me of salmon in the microwave haha

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