A birthday letter written by Oatmeal

Dear Poppyseed,

Your first year has passed so quickly.  Think of all the things you can do already.  You can ride horses, drive a car, eat in a restaurant (some adults don’t do well at that), go to the restroom in the potty (some adults don’t do well at that), and talk on the phone.  Your appetite is incredible as we watch you eat as much food in one sitting as some people eat all day.  Your horse Rainy tells me each day that she loves it when you and mommy come to feed and pet her.  You’ll be walking in days so let me tell you what is in store for you this year and next.

While riding your horse through the magical forest you may run into little people that call you the Fair Princess.  They might speak a different language that only you and Rainy can understand but, of course, that is why you have been chosen to be their leader.  While jumping large canyons and swimming rivers, you may decide that you should stop and get some water for you and your faithful steed.  If you happen to see a lamp laying on its side then you should pick it up and make your three wishes, because most old lamps are equipped with genies inside that will grant any wish imagined.  Be very detailed in your choices because they can be very sneaky little genies. There will be many animals throughout the forest.  The only ones you need to be careful with are the monkeys.  They love playing tricks on little girls that happen to be princesses.  If you see them coming to get your secret bracelet then go ahead use your special monkey whistle that your daddy taught you.  This will stop them in their tracks as many years ago, he taught them to mind their manners with his trusty whip.  While using his whip he would whistle a tune, and this they will never forget.

Don’t worry about the quicksand, Rainy will get you out.  If you find baby animals, they will love you forever and protect you if you get into trouble.  Never use the same path twice because the monkeys are smart.  Birds are great friends because they can see everything from above.  If you happen to see a unicorn, just sit down and put your hand out to its nose.  It will respect you for your kindness and love your gentle touch.  If you’re lucky it will have wings and take you for a ride!

Good luck baby, Daddy will be around to help you if you need help.



Oatmeal and Poppyseed

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  1. That may be the most awesomely random thing I have ever read. I’m impressed.

  2. Love it!

  3. Emy Kolander says:


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