40 Weeks + 1 Day with Middle

Well, hello there.

Being past your due date is like no other place.  It’s not a bad place, but it’s very distinct place.

Just me, my tent shirt and my stretchy pants.

Just me, my tent shirt and my stretchy pants.

On one hand, I find myself thinking, “Gosh, I am so close to holding my baby.  I can literally feel the tiny little body in my arms, the weight of the little baby on my chest.”  Thinking about that gives me more peace and excitement than anything else.

On the other hand, it also feels a little bit like you’re Katniss in the Hunger Games.  You’re standing by yourself in the middle of nowhere.  Everywhere you look there is quiet, and it seems peaceful, but you know that it won’t last.   You are about to be attacked and you have no idea from which direction.  And once that attack hits, all you’ll be able to do is fight for your life, because it isn’t going to go away until only one of you is left standing.  You vs. contractions.  There is no other choice.

Really, you just know that the clock stopped ticking and the contractions are only a short ways away, no stopping them.  You just have to get through them get to the part where your baby is in your arms.

So that is the place where I am right now.  Quite honestly, I don’t feel like being anywhere other than home.  I am finished with checklists, unlikely to answer phone calls, and feel the most calm when I’m by myself and have music blaring in my ears.  I only want to be around close friends and family.  I was so chatty and social just 48 hours ago, but now….well, to put it bluntly, shit’s about to get real.  I may pretend to follow the conversations going on around me, but I’m really in such a zone.

Two nights ago I woke up in another pool of blood.  Oatmeal and I were a lot more calm this time.  I felt fine.  Middle was hopping around in my belly as usual.  I sat on the toilet and then moved to the shower while Oatmeal used all of our old shop towels to clean up the mess.  We called Toni, talked through some options, and decided that since this exact thing just happened and everything checked out just fine at the hospital, we would just blame it on another ruptured vessel.  We attempted to try to lie back down and get some sleep.

Just as we were about to drift off, it happened again.  It was the first time I’ve been truly awake when it happened, and it’s really and truly just a very quick and heavy surge of blood.  There is no pain, pop, or trickle.  It’s just like a bucket of water is dumped out and then it’s over.  For the second time in a row I basically leapt out of bed and across the carpet, landing onto the bathroom tile.  I spared our newly shampooed carpet but splashed blood across the tile and walls.  Oatmeal got our good bathroom towels and went back to cleaning and scrubbing.  We called Toni again, who this time decided to send her partner (another midwife and also an RN) out to our house.  She got there in no time flat and checked all of mine and baby’s vitals.  She agreed with Toni, that it was probably a ruptured blood vessel.  She gave me some “danger signs” to watch out for, left me with some essential oils to rub around my pelvic area to help stop the bleeding, and was on her way.

I was pretty much emotionally exhausted by the time she left, but I still forced myself to carry the 8-10 towels and sheets downstairs, stuff them in the washer with some bleach, and eat a Larabar before finally getting back into bed.  Oatmeal was still scrubbing the walls from the blood splatter.

The quote of the night was probably when he said (in a completely calm and even tone, mind you):  “I don’t know what’s going on, honey.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  It’s like we cut up a cat and then set it loose in our bathroom.”

Right.

More like several cats if you ask me, but we’ll just leave it at that.  Good thing neither of us are squeamish around a lot of blood.

That husband of mine.  He is impossible to worry.  He just doesn’t get upset or worked up.  I guess I should be thankful, because it does tend to rub off on me and has probably saved me from a few gray hairs.

And that husband of mine made me love him so much the next morning.  About the time he was finished cleaning the bathroom, Poppyseed woke up at her usual 6:15am.  He took her downstairs, fed her breakfast, played with her until it was time for him to go to work, and then just pulled out his laptop and spread out his work plans at our dining table.  He had a huge meeting scheduled that morning, so he simply gave Poppyseed the iPad and led the meeting over the phone.  I doubt any of his oil-and-gas coworkers or partners were even remotely aware that he’d been cleaning up blood or taking care of a toddler since 3:30am, and I slept like a rock completely unaware that he had even skipped work until about 10am.  When I did come out of my sleep/coma, I jolted out of bed and ran downstairs to find my family.  He looked up from his phone call, gave me a wink, and pointed toward the living room where Poppyseed was still propped up in his recliner doing iPad puzzles.

I write this down here because in that moment I could not have loved or appreciated him more.  I hope I can remember how loving and caring he was toward me when we have a screaming 3 week old and I feel exhausted and bitter for having to be the one awake and nursing all night long.  Because, fellow mamas, you have all been in that place I bet!  The place where you almost hate your husband for sleeping peacefully in bed next to you while you try for the 38th time to get a good latch.

So, yesterday didn’t involve much other than just lying around and resting.  We all went to bed early, and today I had an appointment with Toni.  There isn’t much to discuss at 40 weeks 1 day!  My blood pressure was fine, my weight shows I’ve gained 28lbs (I think more like 35, but I’ll take it), and Middle is in a great position for birth with a nice steady heartbeat.

I left the appointment, used a Madden’s gift card to grab a delicious lunch, and then had a pedicure.

In about an hour my sister and her family will pull into our driveway to spend the next couple of days with us.  I can only wonder if she will be here for the birth of her future niece or nephew, but honestly, your guess is as good as mine.

Last night we went out to dinner instead of cooking and took this family selfie.  I just love Poppyseed's little grin!

Last night we went out to dinner instead of cooking and took this family selfie. I just love Poppyseed’s little grin!

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  1. Pat & Dan says:

    Laura, you are absolutely amazing!!! We are in Kerrville, Dan is playing in a golf tournament, home Sunday night. Tricia sent me your blog info, and I’m really enjoying your writing. Can’t wait for you to really get going with you writing. Give Michael a hello for me, love to all of you. Aunt Pat.

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