Larabars and the dynamic they add to my marriage.

What I’m about to tell you is completely typical of what goes on in my household.  I do not think that it’s normal and I am sure some people will think that I am insane.  But, it’s reality in our house and I am not afraid to share it.

Oatmeal asked me for a Larabar.

(I say Lay-ra bars.)

(Oatmeal says Laura-bars)

Either way, we have found them to be one of the most convenient primal snacks.  Have you ever seen them?  Here is a picture.

These are our favorite three flavors.

Look!  Ingredients you can actually recognize.  No sugar, no chemicals, no preservatives.  Just fruit, nuts and cinnamon.

Okay, so what I was saying… Oatmeal asked me for a Larabar and I ignored him.  He mentioned it again.  Ignore.  And again he asked. 

“Honey.  I’m ready for my Larabar.”

Wives, I know what you are thinking.  Why doesn’t the lazy man get off his arse and get his own darn Larabar?  You already cook all of his meals and clean up after him!  (Kinda.) 

Well it’s because I’ve hidden all of the Larabars.  In a super, super secret place that he cannot find.  And I throw decoys out all the time to throw him off.  I will emerge from the bedroom with a Larabar, making him think they must be under the bed or something.  Then I’ll toss him a Larabar from the kitchen, and he’ll go scavenging around behind the microwave. 

Why bother hiding them?  Because he would eat them ALL if he could.  HE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO QUIT!  I used to put them in a jar on the counter and wake up the next morning and the darn jar would be empty and wrappers would be all over his truck.  We have fruit, nuts, meat and veggies in the fridge at all times, yet he will unwrap 10 Larabars a day if he has access to them.  He refers to them as his desert, because they are very sweet and tasty.  So… in the name of preserving our snack supply, I hide them.

But last night he persisted and I decided to give in (even though I’d already given him two).  But I knew I had to be sneaky, I didn’t want him to see where I went to uncover the hidden treasures.

So I made him go stand in the bathroom.

Then I turned on the sink water.  So he couldn’t hear me of course.

And I turned on the shower water.  Just in case the sink wasn’t loud enough.  I can’t risk him hearing my footsteps in the house.

Then, in a moment of brilliance, I gave him my headphones, turned “Moves Like Jagger” onto my iPhone and made him plug his ears and listen to it. 

I flushed the toilet, slammed the door and ran back and forth down the hallway several times in such a way that he would not be able to really figure out which way I had turned… toward the bedroom or toward the living room?!

I am soooo sneaky.

I laughed to myself, thinking of my husband standing in the middle of my bathroom (wearing boxer briefs and boots, mind you… that’s another story), while holding my iPhone, grooving to Maroon 5, and salivating over the hidden snack.

I snatched the Larabar out of its hiding place and ran back to the door.  And then ran past it, and turned and ran past it again.  And then I opened it. 

Oatmeal was still there, with both faucets running, headphones in his ears, undies and boots, patiently waiting for his Larabar.  I gave him a kiss, handed it over and we resumed our night.

And that’s the end of that story.

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